ࡱ> @B? wbjbj?? ]]wvvvvv  V(}}}~ bv}}}}vvvv}vvѕR(&0Vv}}} <:   A Time for Capsules As any good student of history/soap operas knows, nothing spirals into madness quicker than the desire to defy the gods and seek immortality. Yet, this mad dream of living forever, when properly discussed, amended, tabled, and then re-discussed by a junior sub-committee, turns too often from deranged fantasy into something slightly more municipal. I am of course referring to the time capsule being prepared for 10/10/10, which shant be opened till the year 2110, or earlier if Otto the future Janitor of 2085 accidentally drops it and the lock breaks. Of course, simply giving forthcoming LOsers an empty box from 100 years ago (receipt included, of course, in case they want to return it) is a pretty rad idea as it is, but I was still hoping we could spice things up and put some things inside this future-tube. Imagine how excited the denizens of the future will be when they discover their ancestors left them not just a perfectly good box (great for storing Christmas lightsOf the Future!) but also some adequately nifty tchotchkes they will then feel obligated to keep in case we ever come over to visit and ask to see them. Seeing as we all unanimously agree that putting things in our time capsule is a swell idea, Id like to offer the City of Lake Oswego a few suggestions on what to include in the mysterical future box. (I know I should probably go tell whoever is in charge of the time capsule my ideas, but Im just going to assume that all the important decision-makers consult my column before doing anything anyway.) 1. The West End Building Think about it. By placing all 21,600 square feet of the building in a time capsule, we not only give residents of future-LO a better idea of what all the letter-writing fuss was about, we ensure that subsequent generations get the privilege of continuing a petty squabble over city land use. Then, after the re-enactment is over, all the future-izens will laugh and laugh at the idea that people used to dedicate their life-force to fighting about something so mind-numbingly trivial as city politics, instead of working on future-problems, liking how to escape the Lazer-Raptor Overlords who now rule planet Earth. 2. The Guide to Pop Culture in the 00s For Dummies As anyone whos never gotten a reference in Shakespeare, the Bible, Sophocles, or The Man Who Came to Dinner knows, pop culture references have the shelf life of an ice cube in the Sahara. (Wazzzup!!? Who let the dogs out!? Does that count as a wardrobe malfunction??!) Horrifying as it is to contemplate, people of the future will have no idea of who Justin Bieber was, (unless of course, in the future he is worshipped as a God. In which case, no offense to his Bieberness). Worse, without pop culture references, the hilarity of my columns (which I am just going to assume have already been preserved for all humanity) will decrease by at least 30%. But with this handy pop culture guide, future dudes and dudettes will be able to carefully look up my reference to Lady Gaga, and quietly smile, as they understand the sweet perfection of my joke. 3. All the Other Time Capsules We Have Lying Around Im not an expert in time capsules, but I have a general suspicion that most end up in Franks-the-only-one-with-keys-to-the-thing-and-he-died-30-years-ago-I-say-we-chuck-it land well before their sell-by date. Considering that Ill be 117 (and not looking a day over 30) by the time of the opening of the darn thing, its safe to say itll have slipped my mind. We probably have time capsules from 1980, 1970, and 1870 all lying around waiting to be opened. Lets make that tedious job someone elses problem and stuff the rest of those capsules into our MegaCapsule. (Patent pending.) And thus, I bid whoever inhabits the brave new world of the future adieu. In case youre wondering, ice was a solid form of water that used to exist before 120-degree temperatures were the norm. * + "&;S]av8 .0X[^d0vw h8 5 hS7h8 hS7h8 5hsph8 5 h h8 h8 hsp)t v !";/0dvwdgd8 gd8 / =!"#$%666666666vvvvvvvvv666666>6666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666hH6666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666666662 0@P`p2( 0@P`p 0@P`p 0@P`p 0@P`p 0@P`p 0@P`p8XV~ OJPJQJ_HmH nH sH tH H`H  aeNormal CJOJPJQJ_HmH sH tH DA D Default Paragraph FontRiR Table Normal4 l4a (k ( No List PK![Content_Types].xmlN0EH-J@%ǎǢ|ș$زULTB l,3;rØJB+$G]7O٭Vsקo>W=n#p̰ZN|ӪV:8z1f؃k;ڇcp7#z8]Y / \{t\}}spķ=ʠoRVL3N(B<|ݥuK>P.EMLhɦM .co;əmr"*0#̡=6Kր0i1;$P0!YݩjbiXJB5IgAФ޲a6{P g֢)҉-Ìq8RmcWyXg/u]6Q_Ê5H Z2PU]Ǽ"GGFbCSOD%,p 6ޚwq̲R_gJSbj9)ed(w:/ak;6jAq11_xzG~F<:ɮ>O&kNa4dht\?J&l O٠NRpwhpse)tp)af] 27n}mk]\S,+a2g^Az )˙>E G鿰L7)'PK! ѐ'theme/theme/_rels/themeManager.xml.relsM 0wooӺ&݈Э5 6?$Q ,.aic21h:qm@RN;d`o7gK(M&$R(.1r'JЊT8V"AȻHu}|$b{P8g/]QAsم(#L[PK-![Content_Types].xmlPK-!֧6 0_rels/.relsPK-!kytheme/theme/themeManager.xmlPK-!\theme/theme/theme1.xmlPK-! ѐ' theme/theme/_rels/themeManager.xml.relsPK] ww w8@0(  B S  ?yyy"&y8 vy@w@UnknownGTimes New Roman5Symbol3 Arial7Cambria9Palatino 1hccc N# 4d"@@H?' ae0"Scott SparlingScott Sparling Oh+'0`2  8 D P \hpx'Scott Sparling Normal.dotmScott Sparling9Microsoft Macintosh Word@q@HR@ R@RN# G0PICT0b HHb bHH`bb !! 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